Why Did Everything Break? Right, Because You’re Off on Sick Leave…

I don’t want to call this a ‘ranty’ post…so instead I’ve termed it ‘reflective astonishment’ in order to comfort myself.

I have been off on sick leave from my job for 4 and a half months now.  Without getting bogged down by the details of how that happened, just accept for a minute that it did.  Belief is now suspended.  Okay.  So being off on sick leave has led to me now being on employment insurance.  For those of you not familiar, and I hope you don’t have to be, this equates to approximately 45% of my previous income for a finite amount of time.  We’ll leave it at that for now.  Financial backstory complete.

Being off on a leave for illness brings about it’s own set of stressors.  There is a stressful reason why I had to stop participating in my full-time employment.  That’s a pretty big stressor all by itself.  But that’s fodder for a separate post someday.  Baseline for background stress now determined, stress exists.  Now, ahem, this is where breathing exercises become useful.  I would just like to add that I typically have the persona of a cucumber, cool, collected, and probably even appear flat due to my usual non-reactivity.  I got this, it will work out, might be a bump, but then things will smooth out, no need to freak out…has been my attitude goal, with a highly successful achievement rate.

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Since being off, appliances and significant items in my home have been dropping like dominoes.  It started off with a fridge.  Luckily it wasn’t a main fridge, I know, white collar problems, “oh look dear, the secondary fridge has failed, however will I chill the olives for my martinis? Pish posh”, it was left by the previous owners when we bought the house.  It started slowly, the freezer, than the fridge section.  Whatever we say, can’t complain, it was a bonus left for us, served us well while it lasted.

Then the dryer, which worked out okay, hence expressing gratitude for reasonably priced thermal fuses in a previous post.  Then the bedroom fan.  Now, it seems like a little thing, but I am an untapped energy source that could probably produce enough heat to provide for an entire northern village if they figured out a way to harness this thermal current I am one with.  I might be connected directly to the Earth’s core, I don’t know.  My roots run strong and deep.  So my sleep and my marriage depend on the functioning of that fan.  It was replaced by the cheapest one available at the local big brand store.  Which took a few tries since stocking oscillating fans isn’t apparently a priority in an area that typically runs temperatures of -20 degrees Celsius or below during the time this happened.  Timeline continues.

The oven exploded.  It really did.  There was an exploding sound, like a popping poof of sorts, one of which was so terrifying to one of the cats that it leapt from my lap, landed on my other half’s face and then spring-boarded to Narnia I guess, or wherever terrified cats hurry off to in a state of pure panic.  Leaving my abdomen and other half’s face with fresh open wounds.  Memories we’ll call them.  That incident resulted in the purchase of a new stove because the explosion fried the circuit board of the original.  Which is almost as expensive as entire new range to have repaired.  So new stove it is, find one on sale, yes!  Stove gets delivered, has flaw…  but this will be replaced next weekend and all is well again.  Since we’re ever the optimists.

Continuing on my arc of positive humanity I proceed to sort my recycling in the garage.  Upon entering said garage I see a glowing pond beneath the front end of my vehicle.  Beautiful, neon, leaking…don’t follow the light.  It’ll be fine, probably just some coolant, likely a clamp/hose for that one.  Life Slap!  Apparently not, apparently a $1065 part, plus labor to solve that one.  Oh and by the way, since it’s here there’s this $155 thing that’s going to fall off and $495 of brake work that the guy needs done to approve it leaving here.  I don’t know the appropriate emoticon/meme for this feeling I’m having.  Insert flat face of disbelief here maybe.

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Also, insert those above mentioned martinis into my mouth now.  Just going to remind everyone of one of the opening statements that I am currently on employment insurance.

Not to get all existential here, because it’s probably not all about me and the value of my existence to the universe.  Or is it, who am I, why am I here, is it my one true purpose to test the integrity of household appliances…?  But, I have been thinking, is this just going to keep happening until I have the freak-out I always say is unnecessary?  Should I just do it and get it over with and that will put a stop to the sequence of failing household items?  Is my universe guide/coach just testing my limits?  My universe coach needs a different hobby…  Who has the POWER!?!

So anyway, now I must decide whether or not to retire said vehicle…  how do you tell your first car it just might not be worth it and it’s time to go out to pasture instead?  “Sorry Fluffy Engine-Bottom, you just cost too much to keep going.  I know we had some good times, but now we’re just having expensive times.  And in this crazy topsy-turvy world we live in, you just bring too much uncertainty.  And for that my friend you might end up in an ad for parts or best offer…”

 

P.S. I would not recommend purchasing the cheapest fan you can find if you in anyway don’t have to.  It resulted in the purchase of yet another fan to replace it due to cheap fan affordably making clinking sounds at random intervals throughout the night.

Memes:

* http://weknowmemes.com/tag/polar-bear-meme/

**https://memesuper.com/categories/view/a12fab19fa8ee63c2ed897cbece61484157b76e8/michael-scott-memes.html