The Feline Files – A Drawing of Destruction

I’ve been out of sorts since I woke.  The pressure of getting this message relayed is affecting to me.  I’ve been trying to work on a visual for my plan.  Trying to create a diagram to communicate to the humans.  This task has been somewhat difficult.  Human design tools weren’t manufactured for feline paws.  Most require opposable thumbs to grasp the implements.  I do however remember seeing one of the humans using their finger on the screen portion of their folding computing device.  I wonder if it will respond to me?

After a quick scan of the room I locate the device on the sectional.  Next the task of having it unfold to create access to the screen.  I know that’s where the information is viewed.  One of the humans has demonstrated it’s ability to display birds and small rodents to me before.  I have to admit, I did find this function fascinating.  I manage to lift the top portion and gain access to the screen, it lights up almost immediately.  I use my paw to press on the screen in an attempt to gain access.  I know this is what the human does with her finger.  A moment or two and thanks to my cunning, I’m in.

After touching several icons I find the one that allows me to create my drawing.  I do my best to illustrate the plan in my mind’s eye.  I have to admit that it is difficult to portray the plan’s execution exactly, but I think I’ve managed to do a reasonably well job.  I mean, this is for the humans, not any beings of superior intellect.  The simpler I keep the diagram the better it will work for my purpose.

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In order to maintain the simplicity of the explanation I have decided I will attempt to describe this plan in 3 steps for the benefit of both the humans and Diesel.  Therefore I will require 3 individual diagrams to be able to demonstrate each step clearly.  Luckily for the humans I have acquired the ability to read their language.  And thanks to my nimble and coordinated paws I have even included some basic labelling to assist them in their interpretation, in the interest of saving time and to help with orientation.

Step 1:  Notice the return of the shadowy figure and alert the humans.

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Upon the return of the shadowy figure both Diesel and I will become rapidly alert and place ourselves at the top of the stairs like sentries.  This will both establish our dominance and assert our intention to defend our territory.  At this time we will create a coordinated vocalization to sound an alarm to the humans.  The humans will most likely be present in the kitchen area if they are home and therefore will easily be informed.

Step 2:  The humans respond to our alert and lead the procession towards the door.

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After hearing our coordinated alarm the humans will present themselves at our position.  At such time they will have clearly understood the shadowy figure is present at the door.  They are then to make their way down the stairs and create a blockade with their large bodies at the site of the door.  Diesel and I will follow positioning ourselves for the attack.  This will demonstrate to the shadowy figure that the humans are willing to defend their territory.  This will also provide a visual screen to block Diesel and I so our attack can be unseen, securing our element of surprise.

Step 3:  Commence of the attack.

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Diesel will run through the legs of the humans and head for the left Achilles tendon of the figure.  While the figure is distracted and protecting this vital part of his anatomy, I will spring forth aiming straight for his jugular.  This will create an efficient and well executed attack.  The figure will be both unable to run as well as deprived of blood and oxygen.  At this time the humans will be able to assist if needed to move the figure up against the doorway.  Leaving a firm message for any other shadowy figures that may consider to enter our home…

My plan feels perfect.  Feeling rather proud of myself I decide to take another nap to conserve my energy.  In a few more hours the humans will return home and I will have to take them through the diagrams with Diesel.  It’s all coming together now.  As I start my pre-nap bathing I watch Diesel slumber.  I’m counting on him.  I am relying on him to fulfill an important and almost equivalent role of my own.  Could this be a flaw in my preparation?

The thought of this makes me twitch.  The steps are simple.  This shouldn’t be too much to ask.  My back starts to crawl.  Doubt creeps in.  In an effort to symbolically manage the doubt I start re-aligning the fur on my back.  If I can get this straight, I can get the plan to work.  Or can I..?

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