The Feline Files – A Muddled Message

What a day this has been.  I wake from my nap hearing the human’s vehicle coming up the road.  This is it, my chance to explain what has happened and show them my plan to defend our territory.  I hear the engine turn off and voices muttering as the vehicle doors open and close.  I notice Diesel has also started to wake and is having a stretch on the floor, making his way down to greet them as usual with no outward appearance of urgency.

I must gather myself and focus in order to achieve my goal.  I jump down from the chair a little too fast and it startles me.  Take a breath Harley.  Relax.  I quickly try to tidy my fur to look as presentable as possible.  This will help them to take me seriously.  Diesel is already standing by the door when I hear the key turn the lock and the door swing open.  Okay, this is it, they’re home.  Time to spring into action Harley.  I start telling them about the shadowy visitor as I’m making my way down the stairs.  I explain that it left something on the door, I tell them I’ve made a plan to defend this house, I tell them the plan is foolproof, I notice they’re not reacting… and one of the humans has something different in her hands.  It’s a piece of paper, it must be the message the shadowy figure left.  Perhaps it’s a warning.

I repeat myself, this time with an enhanced tone of urgency.  Still nothing.  Back rubs, cooing sounds, that’s the only reaction from the humans.  Diesel rubs his body against their legs and receives their offerings of scratches with purrs.  I’m getting frustrated.  I know they aren’t able to understand each word I say, but the tone, why isn’t it working?  Can’t they pick up on the urgency?  I must get their attention and direct them to the drawings I’ve made on their computer.  These idiots, Diesel included, how to get them to focus?

I race everyone up the stairs and start pacing in the kitchen.  Even though I know they don’t understand my words I can’t help but repeat myself over and over.  Diesel makes his way into the kitchen after a casual yet happy jaunt up the stairs.  I impulsively yell out at him.  “You idiot!  Help me tell them what happened!”.  “Give them a minute”, he says this so nonchalantly it infuriates me.  I bite his haunches.  “Ow, you ass!” he spits back at me and does a lap around the kitchen into the dining room before re-entering the kitchen.

I make out my name being said from the human.  I also pick up on the tone she uses in my direction.  They’re not getting it.  They seem to clearly understand the concept of using tone, but are oblivious to receiving it.  This may be harder than I thought.  I will have to change my tactics.  I need another way to get them to the computer.  The humans chatter amongst themselves and place their belongings on the counter.  I notice what has to be the note from the shadowy visitor among their things.  I need to get up there and see it.  I need to know what it means, what the shadowy visitor’s intentions are.  What if it is bringing reinforcements?  I didn’t factor that into my plan.

My mind is racing now with all the what-if’s I didn’t consider.  I may have let my arrogance underestimate the prowess of this visitor.  I may have made the mistake in assuming there is only one.  This may not be resolved as easily as I’d hoped.  Maybe the note states when the visitor will return, and whether or not it will be alone.  The internal panic moves through me like lightning.  My skin suddenly rejects all of the fur on my back.  I can’t stand the feel of it.  I have to settle it down.  I twitch and walk a few steps in a slightly uncoordinated manner before sitting down and start licking my back furiously.  I take a deep breath and try to act casual but have to sit down again and deal with my back from the other side.

That’s when I notice the human open the cupboard door where my food is stored.  I realize I’m starving.  The stress of the day has had me so distracted I’ve forgotten it’s been hours since I’ve had anything to eat.  The severity of this hits me all at once.  I cry out in utter agony.  Wailing now I pace back and forth as I see them ready my meal.  They don’t seem to appreciate my intricate dance of painful appreciation as they almost kick and trip over me on their way to my dish.  I hear my name and that tone again.

As I consume my food at record speed I consider that my unrecognized hunger is likely what has been interfering with the success of my progress.  I reassure myself that after I’m nourished I will be better able to carry out this plan.  My body and mind will be able to work in a more congruous fashion.  The humans will also have had time to settle themselves and can be more attentive to my communication.  Once they have fed themselves they will likely be seated on the couch.  The computer is still there.  Diesel will want to take advantage of any scratches and cuddles they are willing to provide.  This will place him on the couch as well.  I will join them there at precisely this time.  This is when I will show them the drawings.  This is when they will begin to understand my plan.  I still have my doubts about Diesel, but he will want to please the humans.  If they get the message he will cooperate.

I feel my confidence return.  We will defend our home.  I will lead the strike.  They will recognize and appreciate my leadership and guidance once this is complete.  I start to feel drowsy.  I decide I have time to nap while the humans prepare for their feeding.  I will need my energy anyway.  I will have to be sharp and patient to go through the drawings.  I decide the best place for this nap is on top of the cupboards.  My position above everyone else is symbolic of my role in this plan.  And while I’m up here I can keep an eye on that note…

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