There has been a new development in the house today. One of the humans brought home a box containing some kind of item she deemed important. Silly creatures they are, amused by such simple things. Once the item was removed from it’s packaging and the cooing over it commenced, the box was left unattended, available for my exploration. I’m not usually pleased by change, but this is something I can take advantage of. Boxes often provide an opportunity for perches or hunting shelters. I decided I would like to enjoy this by a window where I can use it as a perch to improve my view. Having myself displayed on the box in this way will serve as a symbol of my dominance for outsiders to regale at.
Thanks to my exceptional spatial awareness and coordination I was able to position the box with ease by the side door. Perfect. I chose my vantage point carefully and am pleased with my decision. This is good, but it still needs something else to be sufficient. I need to enhance the image of intimidation. I have just the thing, my training snake! I will have it beside me as I sit. It can only add to the awe of my presence here. When others see it’s lifeless body near me it can only enhance their sense of fear and respect for me.
I leave the box where it was positioned and make my way to the basement where I had left the snake. It was carefully placed in front of one of the younger humans bedroom door as a warning. I will return the warning after I’m finished displaying myself for the outsiders at the door upstairs. Or perhaps I’ll place it on the stairs… I’ll decide later.
I advance back up the stairs with a bounce in my step and make my way into the kitchen to return to my perch while proudly carrying the snake in my mouth. “This box is awesome!” Diesel appears to have materialized out of thin air while I was gone and has made himself comfortable on the box that I had claimed as my own. No matter, I will simply tell him to move. I drop the snake on the floor and yell out at him, “Diesel, that box is mine. I’ll ask you to remove your sloth-like self from it this instant.” “No can do buddy.” He says this so unaffectedly I can feel my heartrate increase. “Yes you most certainly will! I have carefully placed that there and made plans to use it along with my snake. Now remove yourself.”
He does nothing. He just sits there staring at me. Moments pass before he says anything. “Nope. I like it here, you left, you snooze you lose.” He proceeds to bathe his face in what I perceive as excruciatingly slow-motion movements. I can feel something similar to rage rising inside me. I am more annoyed that I let him get to me like this so easily than what he is actually doing. No, I am the superior being here, I will not lose my composure, and I will not give up my perfectly placed perch.
I take a breath and try my best to appear nonchalant. I move closer to the box and sit down. I say nothing. I don’t make eye contact. He continues bathing after only a brief pause to scan my movements. I give myself to the count of five and then quickly spring onto the box. Surely this will annoy him and cause him to leave. Ha!
He does nothing, barely even reacts at first. He doesn’t leave, he just stops bathing. “I’m not leaving.” Stubborn ass. “Well neither am I” I quickly shoot back at him. I feel the need to justify myself now because of his unsatisfying reaction, “I put this box here specifically because I wanted to use it, and I won’t let you ruin it.” “Fine”, he just sits there, so I do the same.
“So what was your plan for the snake?” he casually asks me after a long awkward silence.
“None of your business” I reply sharply. I feel defeated but don’t want to show it. You may have won this round Diesel, but I will not give up so easily. I’ll have to keep a close eye on the box. I’ll wait for a better opportunity, when he’s distracted elsewhere, then I will position myself and the snake perfectly to finish carrying out my plan, the outsiders must be warned to keep them at bay…
If you’re interested in reading any of the previous episodes of The Feline Files click here.