The humans are at home today. I can’t help but feel interested in what they are doing in spite of myself. Entertainment seeking I suppose. They don’t seem to appreciate my presence in all circumstances however. I have heard my name along with “get down”, “get off there”, “don’t eat that”, and “no” spoken at me in a moderate to severe tone many times today. Their words mean nothing to me and I feel no intimidation from their harshly delivered manner.
I have taken a particularly keen interest in how they prepare their food today. We cats, I reluctantly include myself in the same category as Diesel, are served by the humans a diet of carefully balanced foodstuffs that have been engineered in order to maintain our optimal physiological efficiency. This can be demonstrated by my peek physical and intellectual performance. Diesel has a lesser capacity to demonstrate these highly attuned qualities, but as a cat nonetheless, he is still physiologically superior to the humans. The humans physical appearance and performance do not seem to embody the ideal of their species, at least I hope not. Their food however, does frequently have a delicious and appetite stimulating aroma.
During their immense availability in the home today they have been preparing several dishes of their foods. Each one has been different with it’s own unique aroma and appearance, all of which have stimulated my appetite I must admit. Because of this I have decided I will carefully observe them cooking and learn how to prepare my own freshly engineered food when they are not at home.
After some lengthy observation I have noted that most of these dishes are quite labour-intensive requiring frequent use of thumbs, manipulation of tools, and carrying of large or heavy objects. Although I would undoubtedly be able to manage these complex and well-coordinated tasks, it does not seem like an efficient use of my time. I have therefore decided that it is more efficient to allow the humans to prepare these meals themselves and then encourage them to feed me portions as they are prepared.
Alas, my efforts have mostly been met with “get down”, “don’t touch that”, “get off the counter”, “who said you could have that”, and “Harley no!”. I am largely under-appreciated. The humans are clearly in an agitated state today. Due to their inferior intelligence and evident mood control issues it would be unproductive of me to attempt to reason with them at this time. I decide it is best to just sit quietly and wait until they aren’t looking. This way I can choose my own sample to take from the prepared rations and enjoy it in peace. Relax simple humans, just relax.
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